Nancy

There is this girl who lives in my head. I don't know where she came from as she is not of the usual sort  that comes here. She only moved in recently but she has unpacked her suitcases as if she is planning to stay forever. I am a bit disgruntled by this new addition and by the overcrowded shower schedule caused by it, but I don't really get to have a say about it. And while I find her incredibly boring it is difficult to dislike her. She is nice and well-behaved. She drinks red wine and her hair is always in place. She always washes her bowl after finishing with her Special K. She dresses classy, has a stable job and a respectable profession. A doctor perhaps, or a dentist. Or a sales consultant. Or a lawyer. She is comfortable to be with as she would never do anything awkward. She is everything that I am not. She is naturally normal.

Let's call this girl, say, Nancy (short for Anastasia). 

Nancy (short for Anastasia) knows how things work in this world.

She would never have cereal after midday.

She would never leave her house without trimming her eyebrows.

She would never hoard tea mugs in her room.

She would never never make a bold statement without supporting it with sufficient evidence.

She would never wear baggy jeans. Ever.

She would never put her feet on her chair.

She would always get diet cola when feeling indulgent.

She would go to the gym and run in the mornings.

She would never smoke.

She would never wear a shirt that hasn't been ironed.

She would never juggle in the park.

She would never even think of climbing to the roof to watch the sunset.

She would never wear panda-patterned socks.

She would never get a fail for an academic essay.

She would never eat Nutella straight from the jar.

She would never drink coffee in the evening.
She would never steal sunflowers from Canary Wharf station.

She would never put newspaper cuttings on her wall.

She would never sit on the floor.

She would never wear heart-shaped sunglasses.

She would never buy strange clothes in a charity shop.

She would never get drunk. Though that is a bold statement unsupported by sufficient evidence.

She would never fully rely on anyone's encouragement.

She would never wear black tights in the summer.

She would never wear Doc Martens to a formal event.
She would probably never wear Doc Martens at all.

OK, maybe in the mountains.

But she wouldn't because she has proper walking boots for that.

She would never travel by herself.

She would never lie down on the road just because she can.

She would never listen to sad music on her own without a (reasonable) reason.

She would never steal a pint glass from the pub.

She would never listen to the birdsong at dawn after a sleepless night.

She would never buy a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur figurine for herself.

She would never keep fairy lights in her room after Christmas.

She would never cross a field ringing a pair of pocket Chinese cymbals at night.

She would never love you as much as I would. But then again, that is a bold statement unsupported by sufficient evidence.